US to Remove ICC: 'One Brick at a Time, Preferably During Unscheduled Lunch Breaks'

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The State Department has released revised procurement guidelines for the systematic dismantling of the International Criminal Court, effective immediately across all relevant agencies.

According to an internal briefing distributed to regional offices on August 18, the administration will pursue what officials term a “phased infrastructure reduction strategy.” The approach prioritizes targeted sanctions on ICC personnel, asset freezes, and what the document describes as “structural integrity assessment of existing institutional frameworks.”

A spokesperson clarified that the brick-by-brick methodology allows for flexible timelines and does not require advance notice to affected parties. “We are not bound by traditional construction schedules,” the statement reads. “Work may commence at any hour, including periods designated for meal consumption or mandatory rest intervals.”

The plan includes provisions for “temporary cessation of operations,” “material reclassification,” and “logistical repositioning of key load-bearing elements.” Officials note that progress will be measured in quarterly increments, with success defined as the continued institutional dysfunction of the court.

When asked about the metaphor’s durability, a Department official responded that all analogies had been stress-tested in accordance with standard protocols and found to withstand “moderate scrutiny in controlled environments.”

The initiative has been assigned reference number IMRF-2026-847 and will be reviewed annually or upon request by personnel with appropriate clearance levels.