The European Union has finally landed a blow against Big Tech—a €890 million fine so gentle it barely qualifies as a warning. Google favored its own apps over rivals. The EU noticed. Google will now pay roughly what it makes every four days, then install a ‘Regulatory Compliance Fund’ to absorb future fines without breaking stride.
This is the first major enforcement action under the EU’s shiny new digital rulebook, which means regulators are basically a toddler showing their parents a drawing. Very serious. Very official. Google’s stock price moved less than the fine itself.
The real comedy: Google didn’t dispute the charge. It simply accepted the penalty the way a billionaire accepts a parking ticket—as a rounding error that justifies a press release about ‘commitment to compliance.’ The company’s response will probably mention ‘listening to stakeholders’ and ‘ongoing dialogue with regulators.’ Translation: we will continue doing this until the fine exceeds our quarterly ad revenue.
The EU wanted to prove it could regulate tech. Instead it proved that a nine-figure fine is just the cost of doing business when your business is making nine figures every hour. Google will write the check, announce a compliance initiative, hire three new regulatory affairs managers, and change nothing that matters.
Meanwhile, smaller competitors who actually got crushed by Google’s preference for its own ecosystem will receive thoughts and prayers in the form of a 67-page impact assessment nobody will read.