GENEVA — The United Nations Security Council has called an emergency session following the revelation of a documentary series exposing tensions between Pep Guardiola and Kyle Walker during Manchester City’s final seasons together. Diplomats from seventeen nations have requested observer status. Three have already begun drafting resolutions.
The fallout, described by analysts as “potentially destabilizing to the entire European sporting order,” reportedly occurred when Walker and Guardiola disagreed on tactical matters. Sources close to the situation confirm that words were exchanged. Some reports suggest a conversation happened. One witness claims to have seen them in the same building.
The International Criminal Court has issued a statement saying they are “monitoring the situation closely” and have “not ruled out any course of action.” NATO has activated Article 5, though officials remain unclear on what Article 5 actually means in this context.
World leaders have begun taking sides. The President of France released a statement backing Guardiola’s “vision and integrity.” The German Chancellor countered by praising Walker’s “character and professionalism.” Brazil has suggested both men should “sit down and have a chat about it.”
Stock markets dipped 0.003 percent on the news. The price of coffee rose slightly. A think tank in Washington published a 47-page white paper titled “Guardiola-Walker: A New World Disorder.” Nobody has read it.
At press time, both men were reportedly fine and simply did not work together anymore, which is how employment sometimes works.