Prime Minister Andy Burnham has told the country that prices will not come down until the United States resolves its conflict with Iran. The announcement arrived the morning after American voters went to the polls, which makes it the first time a pint in Leeds has been tied to a ballot in Ohio.
Your weekly shop is now a foreign policy matter. The bread is expensive because of the Gulf. The electricity bill is high because of a standoff nobody in this kitchen was consulted on.
Is this a plan? It is a sentence with a country stuck in the middle of it.
No one has explained the mechanism. Presumably tankers are involved, and presumably a tanker in the Gulf eventually becomes a sausage roll in Sheffield. The Treasury has not confirmed whether this is a joke, though it has been asked twice.
Meanwhile, the American election has apparently produced a new sandwich-making technique. Downing Street has described it as “deeply relevant” and says it will be rolled out before Christmas.
Nobody has explained what it does to the price of butter.