Texas is reopening a trade office in London, and yes, this is apparently how nations within nations now conduct foreign policy. The Lone Star State once maintained a full embassy in the British capital—back when Texas took itself seriously as a sovereign entity—and now it is reclaiming that seat at the table of global irrelevance with the kind of confidence only a state with more cattle than people could muster.
The stated goal is strengthening economic ties and promoting Texas exports. What this actually means is that someone in Austin has decided that British investment bankers need to understand the spiritual superiority of brisket over fish and chips, and that this understanding can only be achieved through a physical office and the sheer force of Texan hospitality.
London, a city that has survived the Blitz, the Great Smog, and every American tech billionaire’s attempt to move there, will now contend with Texas asserting its cultural dominance through the medium of smoked meat. The office will presumably feature a wall-mounted photo of a longhorn and a laminated menu explaining why spare ribs are the future of global commerce.
The real comedy here is not that Texas wants to trade with Britain—it is that Texas believes Britain needs convincing that Texas exists and matters. Britain has been aware of Texas for approximately 180 years. They have simply chosen not to care very much. But now, with a trade office, perhaps the British will finally understand that everything is bigger in Texas, including the delusion that London has been waiting for Texan intervention in its affairs.
The office opens next month. London’s tea supplies remain unaffected.