In a stunning display of regulatory theatre, Ofwat has granted 13 water companies permission to charge customers more — as if water bills were a negotiation rather than a basic human requirement, like oxygen or not being murdered.
The premise is delightful in its circularity: water companies need money for infrastructure. So they ask permission to charge more. Ofwat, the regulator whose job is partly to say no, has instead approved the request. The customer, who cannot drink less water or switch to a competitor because water is not a luxury good — it is the one thing you actually cannot live without — simply pays.
What makes this truly absurd is the framing. This is not a story about essential services requiring funding. It is a story about a company asking for permission to charge more for something you already need, getting that permission, and then everyone involved acting surprised that customers are upset. It is like a landlord asking the government for approval to raise rent, receiving it, and then claiming they had no choice.
The companies claim the money goes to infrastructure. Fine. Probably true. But the real punchline is that this entire apparatus — Ofwat, the approval process, the regulatory framework — exists to give the impression that someone is protecting you from price gouging on water. Instead, it is a permission slip.
You will pay more. The regulator approved it. Everyone involved gets to claim they were just following the rules. And somewhere, a water executive is genuinely thirsty — for cash.